the soul wins.

Mind over matter.

That is what I was telling myself this morning.  "Train your mind, Jenny.  Teach yourself how to make the right choice.  To make yourself think the right way.  It's all mind over matter."

But what happens when your mind isn't in it?  Be it because of hormones or the weather or whatever dang thing can affect our moods...

And then I realized.  The missing part of the equation.

Soul.  

Soul over body and mind.  Living from our soul, our heart. I think this may be the secret to intentional living. The very intentional living that I talk about so much, but have a hard time of practicing as much as I preach it.

The soul loves life.  The soul loves spending time with the people that are the most important to us and that fill us to the top with soul feeding moments.

"If our "cup" is full with good things--our family, people that challenge us to love, creativity that inspires us, reading that moves us, etc.--there isn't room for anything else.  If we choose to make time for those not-so-great things, something good must spill over to make room. I'm stingy with the good in my cup--I'm not letting it spill over."  --Kelle Hampton (Feb 6, 2013 blog post titled "Enjoying")

For me, "cup" = soul.

And these souls?  The moments I live with these souls are the ones that fill me up with the good the great.  

I plan on making my soul happy.  Not my mind, because it will have its bad days.  And the body can be hard to control as well.  So, I'm going to focus on filling my soul with greatness so it can trickle over to my mind and body.

Then my mind and my body will just need to get with the program.

Vulnerability vs. Complaining?

Just last Thursday I wrote this about 'trying'.  And then this weekend happened.

And that whole idea went in the rubbish bin.

"I have missed out on a lot of freedom because of my fear of rejection.  We may call it "people pleasing," but it is entirely self-serving because it is really all about keeping myself comfortable. Boiled down, it could be more accurately called, "me pleasing".  (Emily Freeman, Grace for the Good Girl Chapter 8)

And I was going to write a little bitty blog post about not having blogging 'mojo' right now, so I'd be taking a break.  But that isn't true. That'd be me fearing what ya'll would think about what I am writing here today.

So this is what is happening...

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I've been reading and hearing a lot recently about being vulnerable.  About taking off masks.

I haven't finished Emily Freeman's Grace for the Good Girl: Letting go of the Try-Hard Life yet, and for some reason, I'm not attacking it {even though I LOVE it}.  Probably because I feel like I could have written it.  Seriously. I've highlighted about half of what I've read already.  And I'm guessing that means there is going to be something very revealing for me, possibly life changing, that I'm going to read.  And that makes me just a bit nervous.

And then there was this video by Brene Brown that a very good friend shared with me.

Got me right at the core. It's about 20 minutes long, but definitely worth a watch; and you can be quite sure the next book I read {which I hear is also life changing} will be her Daring Greatly. 

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So I keep finding distractions from finishing Grace for the Good Girl.  And honestly, right now?  It's easy.  Stay tuned for just a sec.

This is where I raise the question:  When does showing your vulnerability and taking off the masks of being a good girl or being 'fine' just change into plain 'ole complaining and whining?  

My husband is out of town.  Both of my kids are sick.  One of them, at least yesterday, was the puking kind.  We don't have a car here so if I had to figure out how to go to the doctor {which since I'm pretty sure they both just have a good 'ole cold/flu combo I won't} it would probably have to be by taxi, because I haven't really made any friends close enough here that I feel like I could call to drive us.  Maybe they could watch one of the kids while I took the other to the doctor.  BUT the kids are sick-and all of my friends have kids, so I can't really ask them to watch my sick kids and risk getting their kids sick.  And then when one is puking?  The other is in the bathroom and needs my help.

And I just wish my mom, or my mother- or father-in-law or brother and sister-in-law where here to help "relieve" me.

And wah, wah, wah....I think you get the idea.   And I could go on, and on, and on. Trust me on that one.

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So I guess I need to keep reading these books.   Maybe at some point they will tell me how to be vulnerable without complaining?

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Or how to just let myself be vulnerable without feeling like I'm a doofus.

Because I live in Scotland.  And my husband just has to travel now and then {not be away for months, years or a lifetime}.  And about 350 days a year {my son DOES go to school...sicknesses come in the house} I have two of the healthiest, cutest, smartest kids in the world. 

Why the heck should I even get to be vulnerable {not 'fine'}?  Why do I get to complain?  I shouldn't be allowed.

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Okay, so I'm thinking the definitions of vulnerable vs. complaining are fundamentally different.  But when I think of putting myself out there?  It isn't the positive stuff I'm afraid of putting out there; I feel pretty comfortable with doing that.

It's the deep down feelings...the sadness, the frustrations, the anxiety, the feelings of inadequacy...that's what makes me vulnerable.  And that's when I come to the question of where being vulnerable ends and complaining begins.

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And now I've decided its okay to not be devouring Emily's book, because I'm joining in over at Wild & Precious for an online book club of sorts, and this week the link up is about chapters 9 & 10, and I'm on chapter 11.  Perfect timing. 
   

And on Thursday, I'll be joining over at Royal Daughter Designs for Desire to Inspire.  Although I'm not sure how inspiring this post  is.  But, its not a 'fluff' post, that's for sure. 

  

Choose Joy

One of the things that I haven't been writing about as much lately {other than this post about friends} is being an expatriate.  Since there are some newer readers visiting my blog these days, here are the bullet points:

• We moved overseas to the Netherlands in October 2010. 
• My daughter was born February 2011 in the Netherlands.  
• We learned about that time that we would likely be moving to Scotland. 
• We finally moved to Scotland in October 2011. 
• We will likely move back to the U.S. October 2013. 

Obviously I miss the people that we are far away from, especially with my son's 3rd birthday approaching.  And then I've also been missing the comforts of home, knowing people {babysitters!}, knowing the stores, not needing a GPS for every drive.  

 And the spaces that we had worked on to make our own just before we moved.

But then I come across inspirational stories, like Ashley's. See that "Choose Joy" button on the right hand side of my blog? That is a new addition that will be staying around for awhile. Click on it (or below) to read more about her story. In short, during the last year she has: lost her father to a sudden heart attack (he was only 64!), had a miscarriage, a traumatic emergency hysterectomy, and she is now facing cancer with chemotherapy.  

Crazy difficult, right?  But she has made "Choose Joy" her motto in life.  And thru it all, she is doing that. Amazing. Even with all that, she is spreading the joy by passing out bracelets with the "choose joy" motto on them to random strangers.  

And so, even if I might be feeling homesick, contemplating if I should put the effort into make new friends in Scotland and not exactly enjoying this continuous cloudy, rainy weather...my plan is to "Choose Joy".  

We went one of our first sightseeing trips on Saturday {very short, about 20 minutes away} to the Falkirk Wheel.

It was raining, windy and the Wheel was actually not working.  But I decided to enjoy it anyways.  And be happy because I know it is so close we can go again.

 Even if J#3 was a bit crabby about being there.  Or just about having his photo taken.

 Because its never long before he is smiling again.

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